It’s been 2 years since I stopped working. I am still in disbelief on how everything happened. When you are young, you think you can conquer the world. Unfortunately, during my early 30s my body couldn’t handle all the stressors that I was experiencing. After my head injury last December 2013, things were not the same anymore. My body could not keep up with the demands at work & my back, shoulder & neck pain got worse. I could not understand what was happening to my body & also what was happening to my brain. My doctors requested for a modified work day for me so that my symptoms can get resolved. Unfortunately, my work could not accommodate the 1 month restriction by my medical team. I was forced to be on disability if though my health care team recommended a 6 hour work day for me.
At that time, I was devastated. I had a head injury, my grandma was in the hospital & I can’t even go home to visit her, my mother’s symptoms were getting worse and I was in the process of petitioning my fiance. During that same year 2013, my divorce was finalized as well after waiting 2 long years. Pretty much, my whole life was just spinning out of control. I was also a single mom to my corgis & my corgi boy injured his paw as well.
I consulted with specialists to find out what’s causing the pain all over my body. After a month of my MRI procedure, I was diagnosed of having fibromyalgia. According to NIH:
Fibromyalgia syndrome is a common and chronic disorder characterized by widespread pain, diffuse tenderness, and a number of other symptoms. The word “fibromyalgia” comes from the Latin term for fibrous tissue (fibro) and the Greek ones for muscle (myo) and pain (algia).
Although fibromyalgia is often considered an arthritis-related condition, it is not truly a form of arthritis (a disease of the joints) because it does not cause inflammation or damage to the joints, muscles, or other tissues. Like arthritis, however, fibromyalgia can cause significant pain and fatigue, and it can interfere with a person’s ability to carry on daily activities. Also like arthritis, fibromyalgia is considered a rheumatic condition, a medical condition that impairs the joints and/or soft tissues and causes chronic pain.
Websites & links I want to share for today:
"I wish I ……." Words heard round the world. We hesitate to tell people how we feel, often until it's too late. We subscribe to narratives that give reason to not share what it is we're actually feeling. Maybe it's "too soon" to tell someone you love them…maybe you're afraid that saying those words will scare someone off…maybe your family "just didn't say those words." We need to stop allowing those narratives to get in the way of our truth. We have to start honoring ourselves. We need to start telling people exactly how we feel…regardless of what it is we get back in return. Live your truth. Love your truth. Share your truth. Your victory is not in the outcome…your victory is in honoring you. #mindfulmft
Oh, McSteamy…yes, yes, yes. Let's stick with the theme from the last couple of posts. Too often we keep ourselves from sharing our truth. We swallow our words. We let fear trick us out of telling a person we love them. We find excuses: "It's too soon." "They'll think I'm crazy." "What if they don't say it in return???" I know it's so scary to be vulnerable and not have certainty that your vulnerability will not only be received, but that it will be met. We want our act of vulnerability to be met with their act of surrender. We want to know that a person feels the same way. We want that security and that safety before moving forward. And it all make sense. But sometimes we just have to leap. Sometimes our truth is more important. Because honoring ourselves and the other person is what's most important. We tell a person we love them not to hear it in return…we tell a person we love them so that they know it. It's the purest, most beautiful form of expression. If you love someone…you tell them. Don't keep them from the words that they may need to hear…the words that may change their lives. Think about it. Imagine knowing how many people have wanted to tell you they love you but have just been too scared. Imagine if each person knew every time a person wanted to say it. This world…and our relationships…would just be better. So don't hold it back. Share yourself. Share your love. Let people know they are loved. It's what's this world needs. #mindfulmft
Everyone has something to offer you. Every person has a beautiful gift if you challenge yourself to take a step back to be a listener…a student…and a recipient of what it is that's working itself to you. Sometimes it's obvious, and other times not so much. Maybe people reflect back to you your growth areas….maybe others trigger something in you that makes you want to go running in the opposite direction. Maybe a person challenges something in you that pushes you into a space of criticism and judgment. What I ask of you today is to look for the good instead of focusing on the bad. And if you can't find it, to become curious instead of critical. Get to know a person before you define them. Ask questions instead of making assumptions. Lift people up and assume good before you cut them down and judge them. Everyone has a story to tell…and if we knew that story we would be able to connect so differently to people. When people rub you the wrong way know that it is an opportunity to do the work. To look inwardly and ask "what's going on here?!?" This world can be so full of hate and judgment. So full of knocking others down instead of celebrating them and their accomplishments. Be the curious soul. Be love and warmth. Lift people up and celebrate them. Be curious and kind. Be thoughtful and considerate. Your nasty words are harmful, unnecessary, and often uninformed. #mindfulmft